In These Empty Eyes
by The-Transparent-Reminder
Summary: After Loki's fall from the Bifrost he was dragged from the void by Thanos and moulded into a weapon. Loki becomes a child of Thanos.
1. Chapter 1

**In These Empty Eyes**

 **Chapter 1**

A sharp pain seared through his very bones. Everything hurt. All he could register was pain. Had he ever not hurt? He wasn't sure.

The very air surrounding him was heavy, crushing him mercilessly down into the hard ground beneath him. At least, he thought it might be ground. He wasn't entirely sure it was though…

All around him was a blue energy, twisting, writhing, sinking into him and dominating all his senses.

He felt as if he were being torn asunder from the inside out. Like his mind was breaking and being torn to tatters as he lay there shaking, bloody and broken.

His vision darkened around the edges, was he going to die? Would the pain cease if he did? If so… he hoped he would die…

* * *

Pain…

It was the first thing he felt. It was a deep ache that penetrated his very bones. He twitched his fingers; the small movement sent fiery sharp pains through his veins throughout his arm.

His breath was caught in his throat.

He couldn't breathe.

He couldn't breathe, he couldn't scream, he couldn't _think_.

Forcing his eyes to snap open he stared upwards. Everything was a blur; dark-twisting shapes swam through smears of monochromatic grey. A quiet series of murmurs hummed lowly in the back of his mind. They were indecipherable.

There was an overwhelming fear flooding through him though he could not pinpoint why. He gave a wheezing cough and felt something wet and warm dribble down his chin.

…Blood?

It seemed as if the sticky, viscous liquid was staining his skin and clothes from his torso as well. His ribs felt shattered and his _organs_ hurt. Patches of his flesh felt inflamed, a searing fire left behind as a twisted scathing reminder of something he could not remember.

He didn't understand what was going on, where was he?

…Who was he?

He tried to think trough the pain but his mind rebelled against him. His _brain_ felt like it was _burning_ …

Black spots appeared in his vision and he let the darkness claim him.

* * *

He was shrouded in a hazy awareness the next he woke, he was unsure of how long he had been unconscious but the pain had faded to a bone weary ache throughout his body. The air was comfortably cool against his skin and rocks and stones dug into his back where he lay in the dust.

A groan escaped him as he shifted his body carefully. A foot delivered a swift kick to his ribs in response and a strange hissing voice snarled out "Get up… he deignssss to sssspeak with you, pathetic creature…"

Hauling himself up onto his skinned elbows he cracked his eyes open blearily, focusing on the dust and dirt beneath him as he dragged himself to his feet. He felt as if he was on the verge of collapse though he didn't know why. Despite the pain he forced himself to look up at his current tormentor.

The sight made him freeze. He had no idea, no reference on what sort of _being_ stood in front of him. I was covered in strange garments, the only parts of its flesh visible was its lower face and hands. The flesh was stretched and wrinkled, an off sort of grey-pink colour. Each of its hands sported a second thumb and cracked, sharp looking fingernails, though claw may have been more of an apt description.

He gasped for air as his lungs burned, staring at the thing in front of him. It lunged forwards faster than he anticipated it to be capable of doing and grabbed him by his jaw, dragging him close to its face. Snarling through rows of fangs it hissed out, "Don't jussst sssstand there, inssssolent brat!"

Before he could rasp out a reply the being threw him towards a series of rough floating stone stairs that disappeared around the stone structure that seemed to serve as a wall.

Pulling himself up off the ground he took notice of his hands. They were… blue…. Disgust and shame welled up inside him. They were a hideous, monstrous _blue_ with unpleasant raised lines that made him want to claw off the blue skin in hopes of there being a _proper_ skin beneath it.

Forcing himself to stand he began stumbling up the jagged steps on shaky legs, trying to ignore his skin. He heard the unusual being's footsteps behind him along with its harsh loud breaths. Trying to focus on anything else he stared upwards at the smattering of distant stars and swirling multicoloured gasses. It was terrifying… He was struck with a brief vision flashing before his eyes, he was falling… it was cold…so cold… pain, fear, shame… he was… being torn apart… atom by atom…

The sight of the stars filled him with unease; he was very, very far from home. With a jolt he realized he didn't even know where _home_ was. Did he have a home? Did he have a …family? A stabbing pain in his head distracted him from his thoughts. Making a keening sound he curled into himself, clutching his head tightly as tears welled up in his eyes.

Uncaring for his pain the deformed looking being shoved him onwards roughly, snapping at him to, "Keep walking! He waitssss for no one…"

Shuddering at that ominous statement he dragged his aching body up another few steps. Turning another stone corner he saw the end of the stairs, they led up to a large dais leading up an enormous throne with what appeared to be faded bloodstains coating the ground in front of it. On top of the throne sat an enormous purple skinned man covered in a thick armor and sporting a malicious grin.

His stomach twisted into knots upon seeing the large intimidating man on the bloody throne. The man leaned forwards, staring straight at him; asking in a dark voice, "What do we have here then? This is the one we drew from the void?"

The man sounded morbidly curious, staring at him like he was a particularly fascinating insect. He wanted to cringe back, to _run_ and hide. But that would only make him look weak and he knew that he absolutely could _not_ appear weak. Not here.

"Awfully small isn't he? Fascinating isn't it. How so many of the strongest and fiercest warriors should perish, torn asunder in the void, when the one to survive the depths of the void would be a scrawny _boy_. Surviving merely by sheer chance. By nothing but luck and good timing." The man spoke once more. The enormous mans intense gaze never left his face.

He didn't know if he should consider that a good or a bad thing. If this violet skinned giant was taking an interest in him it could mean he would be able to become too valuable to simply dispose of him.

On the other hand the man could decide to expect more from him because the man had focused his attention on him.

He needed a plan. He needed to survive.

He figured the best he could do at the moment was to do what he was told, keep the large man happy.

"Tell me," The man began, "Do you know your name?" The man looked expectant, as if fully aware what he was going to say in response.

He shook his head, making it throb painfully, and whispered hoarsely, "No…"

Satisfaction crosses the mans face as the man replied, "You are Loki, my child; The Other has brought you before me because you are my tool, my weapon. You are mine to be used and discarded at my will. This is your purpose. Do you understand?" The man's narrowed eyes told him he had no choice in the matter.

Loki…

The name felt familiar to him… He was Loki.

He was a weapon.

He was a tool.

He could be… useful…

He _was_ … useful.

Loki nodded carefully, he understood. Opening his mouth he cleared his throat and asked softly, "…Who are you…?"

The man rose to his feet, towering over Loki as he spoke, booming voice echoing around the empty plain, "I am Thanos." The name seemed to hang in the air, leaving a ringing in his ears as if the very word held power.

Loki swallowed, his throat dry and scratchy. _Thanos_. He felt wary of the name. Like he knew it from somewhere. Like he knew to be afraid.

He was overwhelmed with relief when Thanos turned away from him and focused upon the strange being, The Other, that had brought Loki before the blood stained throne. "Prepare Loki and take him to his siblings. He is to join them in their training immediately." Thanos ordered the being. His slow twisted grin made Loki's stomach drop.

He contemplated Thanos's words; he had siblings? Did they know who Loki was? All he had was his name…

He needed to know.

Thanos turned his attention back to Loki, stating, "Welcome, my child... To Sanctuary."

* * *

Loki had been roughly dragged from the dais with the throne and handed off to a pair of creatures that somewhat resembled The Other. They shoved him into a cavernous room with a dark pool of water in the center. The pair of soldiers instantly set upon him, tearing at his ripped bloody garments.

Letting out a wordless sound of surprised indignation Loki tried to squirm away and pull up his clothing but he was injured and weaker than them, his fighting only earned him a nasty claw across the face and a series of angry clicks from the creatures.

The dirty torn clothes were all he had apart from his name and he wasn't about to give them up without a fight. They didn't look like the odd armors he had seen everyone else wear. The outfit had a variety of intricate designs and was made of rich leathers and fine fabrics. Where had he got such things? All he knew was that they must have been his. Trying one more Loki lunged for his clothing, shouting, "No!"

One of the monstrous soldiers shoved him back onto the rough stone floor. His aching ribs hit the ground hard and pain shot through him as he banged the back of his head on the stone.

After the armored creatures had stripped him naked they dragged him up, pushing his trembling, broken blue body into the water. The icy water engulfed him, clinging to his limbs, but he did not feel bothered by the chill. It was comfortably cold as it caressed his hideous blue skin as it sucked him downwards. Breaking free of its comforting grip he forced himself upwards as his lungs ached. Loki broke the surface of the water, gasping for air as the cold water sloshed over the sides of the small, circular bath.

Wiping the water droplets from his eyes he flicked his eyes around the room, noticing one of the soldiers had acquired a set of clothing and armor from somewhere and stood a short distance away, staring at him blankly. The second walk over to him briskly and shoved his head back under the water.

His breath was pulled from his lungs and the water burned his eyes. Dark red swirled through the freezing liquid engulfing him. Blood…It was blood, from his wounds.

Struggling against the strong grip holding him under the water Loki watched as dark spots filled his vision while his lungs burned for air. As his struggles got weaker and weaker Loki began to wonder if they were going to actually drown him. No, they couldn't. Thanos had plans for him…

Just when he was convinced he was about to pass out he was hauled up so he could breathe.

Loki clung desperately to the edge while he violently coughed up water. He felt rough, gloved hands on his body and using the last of his strength he tried to shy away but it was no use.

The hands roughly ran over his wounds, scrubbing off the blood and grime. His head was yanked back painfully by the hair and he let out a yelp. The clawed hands ran its fingers through Loki's black hair getting tangled in the strands. Ignoring Loki's weak attempts to draw its hands away the armored creature smacked away his arms and scrubbed Loki's scalp roughly. Ripping out a few hairs and leaving small cuts in its wake with it's jagged claws.

Once the creature deemed him clean enough it rose from where it knelt by the edge and hauled Loki out, throwing him to the stone floor by the scruff of his neck. The clothing held by the other soldier was thrown into his face. Loki immediately set to pulling on the outfit, not wanting to the creatures to touch him again. It hurt to pull the clothes onto his aching wounded body but he knew he didn't have a choice. If he didn't do it himself then _they_ would.

Once he was dressed Loki was grabbed by the arm and dragged out into a series of plain eerie corridors, they were all the same. Loki wondered if they really _were_ all the same corridor, there wasn't any notable difference. The pair of deformed soldiers eventually stopped shoved him through the door where it closed behind him. Loki took a look around; it was lit better than the last room and fairly large with a smooth floor and walls. In the center of the room stood three people. Two were women, one tall with metallic blue skin and various robotic… additions to her body, and the other tall and dark haired with soft green skin. The man was overwhelmingly tall and thin with wrinkled white skin and a willowy frame.

They all turned to look at him as tried to shift towards the doors. He wanted to run, to escape. The metallic blue woman sneered in distaste at him while the green skinned woman fixed him with a blank indecipherable expression.

The tall man strode towards Loki gracefully, saying in a soft breathy voice, "Ah… You must be Loki… We've been waiting for you…" Loki felt a chill run up his spine, unnerved by the man. "I am the Ebony Maw… This…" He motioned to the green skinned woman, "Is Gamora… And this…" He motioned to the other woman, "Is Nebula…"

"Why does he have to be here? What good is he? Slinking towards the exit, pathetic! We've worked hard, done all we could for father! Why does he deserve such an honor?" Nebula snapped, glaring at him with cold black eyes.

At those words Loki thought he saw something cross Gamora's face for a moment but it quickly disappeared, leaving her a blank slate. Brushing a strand of damp hair out of his face Loki tilted his head, considering saying something in his defense but was cut off by the Ebony Maw, "He is here because Thanos willed it... Loki was named a Child of Thanos… He is to learn to serve our father… In every way he can…" At that the Ebony Maw rested a boney hand on Loki's aching shoulder. Loki desperately wanted to shift away from the touch but held still, refusing to look any weaker than he already did.

Scowling Nebula glared once more at Loki before looking away stubbornly. "Well then…" The Ebony Maw removed his hand and drifted towards the other two, "Shall we begin training… immediately...? Loki…? Nebula…?"

At that Nebula snapped to attention, grinning maliciously as she bolted towards Loki and before he could react, landed a swift forceful punch to his jaw and a sharp kick to his already pained ribs. Loki went sprawling back onto the hard floor, clutching his ribs in pain as he wheezed.

As he tried to get up she lunged at him, kneeing him in the gut and wrapped her hand around his throat. Flailing in panic Loki slammed his fist into her face and felt pain shoot up his wrist. Her skin was much harder than he had anticipated but it made her loosen her grip and the satisfaction of seeing her head snap to the side made the pain worth it.

In the split second of her distraction Loki wrenched himself from her grip and staggered up, sending a kick as hard as he could towards her head. Nebula's robotic arm snapped up and grabbed his foot twisting his ankle, sending him crashing to the smooth stone floor. Shifting his weight Loki rolled away from her mid fall and skittered back. He was exhausted and injured; he knew he couldn't win in hand-to-hand combat. He needed to escape. He needed space. He needed a plan.

Nebula leapt up after him, already sprinting forwards with her arm pulled back for a punch. Loki ducked under her fist and tried to send a swift uppercut to her face but she caught his leg and slammed him to the floor once again.

Dragging himself up he tried to use sédir to make some illusions but when he did his veins seemed to burn. He had used too much of his magic. When had he…

Taking notice of his lack of focus Nebula grabbed hold of his arm and threw him hard into the floor again.

His muscles were screaming at him and he must have torn open some of his wounds. He could feel blood welling up under his strange new armor. Loki tried to scramble away from her but she landed a solid punch to his head and he slumped to the floor. Everything looked like a blur and all he could hear was the ringing in his ears. His head throbbed painfully with every breath he took.

He took another blow to the temple and his vision went black.

* * *

Loki woke after an indiscernible amount of time. He was lying on a stiff mat that provided no sense of comfort. Pushing up his sore body he looked around. He was in a bedroom that more closely resembled a prison cell. The room was barren apart from the 'bed' a closet and a door. Everything there was bland and monochromatic.

Getting up he staggered toward the door. Every part of his body felt strained. Stopping in front of the door he paused, looking down at his ugly blue hands hanging down at his sides. Was he really there?

He couldn't help but wonder had he only dreamed everything? Loki wasn't sure. Everything felt hazy.

Curiously Loki opened the door, swaying slightly, wondering where he was.

Outside were the same blank corridors as in his dream. His not-dream? Half-dream?

Stumbling through the corridors past the occasional armored creature Loki wondered what was going on. He wasn't sure how long he had been asleep or how he got to be in that room. Or what had happened after his fight with Nebula. Loki grimaced remembering just how badly he'd been beaten.

Turning a corner that looked identical to every other corner he'd walked by Loki came across the green skinned woman from earlier. Gomorra? Gamera? Loki wasn't sure but he knew it was something like that.

Quickening his pace he came up behind her and reached out to touch her shoulder. Before he could she whipped around, grabbing him by the wrist to twist his arm back and held a knife to his throat.

Staring at her with wide eyes he edged backwards slightly. She stared into his face for a few long moments before putting away the blade. Shifting uncomfortably Loki hesitated before blurting out, "Is this real?"

He winced slightly, that hadn't been what he'd meant to ask. He had wanted to ask what was happening. Loki opened his mouth to try and clarify but the woman cut him off with a snort. "It sure is. Did it take you this long to realize that?"

Loki felt himself blush in embarrassment. Shifting from foot he stammered out, "I-I just meant, that is- What's going on?"

She gave him a look that was part sympathetic and part pitying. He hated it.

"You're a Child of Thanos now. From what I've heard you were pulled from the void, I doubt that though. People don't just get pulled from the void." She turned and began down the corridor, passing one of the strange soldiers.

Loki darted ahead to walk next to the green skinned woman asking, "What does that mean? Child of Thanos?"

"It means you're a soldier. An assassin. A weapon. You live and fight for our 'father'." She said coldly.

Loki reeled back, confused, "You are… displeased with your current situation?" He asked, "But doesn't Thanos give you, _us_ , a purpose? Like he said, we are his to use to his ends."

He didn't feel comfortable with Thanos, his… father… but all Loki knew for sure was that his name was Loki; Thanos had told him so and the name _did_ feel familiar. Meaning the rest must have been true as well; he belonged to Thanos. All that should matter was that he was useful…

She shot him a look and frowned but didn't say anything more until the reached a plain metal door that looked identical to every other one they had past. Tapping the panel next to it on the wall the door slid open revealing the room from before where he had fought Nebula.

He hesitated before following her inside. Once they reached the center of the room she turned to face him and puled out a sharp blade. He took a step backwards as they met each other's gaze.

Without a pause she pulled back her arm and threw the blade at him. Unthinkingly Loki jumped out its path, tensing up in preparation for a fight.

She gave him a flat stare before saying, "You're supposed to catch it, Loki right?"

Comprehension dawned on him as he sprinted to pick up the blade, walking back to her. "Oh. Ah, yes. You were… Gamera…?"

"Gamora."

"Right," Loki corrected himself, "Gamora."

Gamora took out a blade for herself and looked at him, saying, "I saw your performance earlier, you're going to need to be strong if you want to survive here."

Before he could retort that he had been injured she leapt forwards, slashing her blade through the air towards his neck.

Hastily Loki snapped his arm up, using the dagger in his hand to block Gamora's attack. Pushing her back he went on the offensive, attempting a stab at her stomach. She leapt away; twisting her body mid-fall Gamora threw her blade towards him where it pierced his hand. Letting out a pained keening noise he dropped his own dagger as he pulled hers from his hand, dark violet blood flowing freely from the wound.

Gamora took advantage of his distraction by kicking the weapon from his hand, diving forwards to grab the closest blade from where it lay on the cold floor. Thinking quickly Loki summoned the other dagger with his sédir, teleporting behind Gamora clutching the weapon in his uninjured hand. It burned his core to use his magic; it felt as if he had somehow expended his entire reserves and then some. Unsure of how that had occurred Loki pushed his finding to the back of his mind.

Twisting around Gamora swiftly blocked his strike and shoved him back. They stood a short distance apart watching each other carefully before Gamora spoke, "Not bad, although…" She leapt forwards with a burst of speed, ripping out another blade, using his surprise against him as she disarmed him; slamming him into the floor holding a blade in each hand against his neck.

The situation reminded Loki unpleasantly of his fight with Nebula. Looking at him coolly with dark eyes she said in a voice devoid of emotion, "You can't go around expecting others to fight fair. People will use everything at their disposal in a fight. You need to fight to kill using every skill and weapon you possess." He huffed, glaring up at the green skinned woman as she drew away from him. Putting away the daggers in her hands she walked calmly over to where the other blade lay on the stone floor.

He dragged himself up off the ground, cradling his injured ugly _blue, blue,_ hand against his chest. Loki debated whether it would be worth it to attempt to heal his hand with his sédir before remembering the sensation of simply teleporting a meager couple of feet in his spar with Gamora. It had _burned_. Like he was tearing himself apart. He probably didn't even have enough sédir at the moment to heal a bruise.

Grimacing in malcontent Loki looked up from his _blue_ hands and strange violet blood to where Gamora stood in front of him with the blade. Flipping it she held the dagger out to him handle first, raising one of her eyebrows.

Loki stared at the blade for a moment, watching it glint in the light. Something felt wrong. Everything felt just slightly _off_. Why didn't he remember anything…?

Looking up at Gamora, his sister, Loki shoved away those traitorous thoughts. He was Loki of Sanctuary, son of Thanos. He was a tool. A weapon. And he would fulfill his purpose, serving his father.

He reached out and grabbed the blade.

 **Favs and reviews are always appreciated~**


	2. Chapter 2

**In These Empty Eyes**

 **Chapter 2**

Loki's days in Sanctuary passed in a similar manner as the first, he awoke on his stiff mat, trained until he could no longer feel and went back to his room to sleep. He wasn't sure how much time had passed. The days blended together until all he knew was to fight and train to get stronger, to serve his father. Fortunately he had mostly recovered his sédir; without it, he was ashamed to say, he felt venerable. He knew he wasn't the strongest physically. His greatest advantage both in a fight and against his siblings was his sédir. It was different. It was his.

Head held high Loki was one again walking through the now familiar corridors. He still felt sore from the training the other day, his ribs were still a bit bruised and his hand wound slowly healing into a thin scar but he didn't care. He needed to keep training. He needed to. If he didn't he would never be of use to his father. He would never be the perfect weapon his father wanted.

Entering the training room Loki was surprised and unnerved to see Gamora missing. The Ebony Maw was there along with Nebula. A pair of stranger's also stood side by side a short distance away from his two familiar siblings.

Loki paused in the doorway, hesitating briefly before proceeding towards the small group, watching them carefully. Nebula snarled at him while the two strangers raked their eyes over him, studying, examining. Searching for a weakness.

Walking over to the group Loki strode with all the grace and feigned confidence he could muster. He was not weak. He was _not_ afraid. He couldn't be. He refused to be.

Trying in vain to suppress his anxiousness Loki stopped in front of them, doing his best to keep his face blank like Gamora did. He couldn't help but wonder where his sister was. He couldn't remember a day that had gone by in Sanctuary when Gamora had not been there.

How long had he been in Sanctuary…?

Loki couldn't remember.

…Had he always been here?

He wished he knew. Loki wondered how he had come to lose his memories. Was it a punishment from father? Had he failed him in some way?

The thought made a cold weight settle in Loki's stomach. What could he have done to require the removal of all his memories? …Was that part of the reason Nebula seemed to hate him so much?

The Ebony Maw snatched Loki from his thoughts as the tall willowy man began to speak in a breathy voice that set Loki on edge. "Ah… Loki… Now that we have all… arrived… I believe we may… begin…"

"Where's Gamora?" Loki knew he was being blunt and rude but he didn't care. He wanted to know where his sister was. Well, the sister he actually liked.

As if sensing his thoughts Nebula cut off the Ebony Maws reply, growling out, "She's on a mission for father, what's it to you?"

Glancing at her as she spoke the Ebony Maw turned back to Loki, giving him a condescending and somewhat disdainful look as he stated, "It is as Nebula has… already said… Gamora has received an assignment from our father Thanos… she is assisting him in the quest for balance… and eliminating those that are… in the way…"

Loki stared up at the man for a moment at a bit of a loss. Before he could say a word the Ebony Maw carried on speaking, "For now… we shall be training with… our other siblings… this, is Proxima Midnight…" The strange new woman seemed to straiten slightly at the name. She must be Proxima midnight, another of his siblings apparently.

She had monstrous red eyes like Loki himself but that was where the similarities ended. She had blue hair while his was black and her skin was seemingly white with a pale blue tint, unlike Loki's revolting _blue_. The woman had black… horns? The horns were set on either side of her face and covered the sides of her head and her forehead. She carried a strange spear like weapon confidently in one hand.

Loki focused on the Ebony Maw as he continued to talk, introducing the other stranger. "This… here… is Cull Obsidian…" The first thing Loki noticed about the man called Cull Obsidian was his sheer _size_. The man was taller even than the looming Ebony Maw, probably not much shorter than father. His molted, scale like flesh was stretched over bulging muscles. In his grasp rested an enormous battle-ax. At the mention of his name Cull Obsidian's lips curled into a harsh sneer.

Loki swallowed, hoping he wouldn't have to fight his new siblings. Cull Obsidian looked like he could and would easily smash Loki through the stone floor with a mere swat of his hand; and Proxima Midnight didn't look like a push over either.

"Now… as we are… gathered… most of us at least… it is… the perfect opportunity... to continue to better ourselves… to become-" As the Ebony Maw droned on Loki let his thoughts drift towards his siblings, more specifically Proxima Midnight and Cull Obsidian.

He wondered why this was only their first meeting. They had probably been away on missions or the like, Loki thought. He couldn't help but wonder when he himself would receive an assignment from his father.

All Loki had been doing was training. Was he… not useful…? A sick feeling welled up inside him. He felt as if he were about to throw up. If he wasn't a useful weapon… a useful tool… he was nothing.

No.

The thought resonated through Loki's mind. He had to be useful. He would do anything. _Anything…_

Dragging himself from his thoughts Loki focused once more on the Ebony Maws speech, "And so… we will do what we must… for our father… for Thanos… shall we begin…?"

With that chaos broke out around him.

Weapons clashed and armored bodies flung themselves at one another. Whipping around Loki only just saw Cull Obsidian with his ax raised about to bring it down upon him.

Rapidly teleporting away Loki appeared in a flash of green sédir near Proxima Midnight. With a loud crash the stone shook slightly beneath Loki's feet as Cull Obsidian's ax embedded itself into the floor.

Locking eyes with him, Proxima Midnight charged, slashing at him with her spear, a sadistic smile marring her otherwise elegant features. Leaping out of the way from his sisters attack Loki sent a blast of sédir at her, sending Proxima flying back. Before he could do anything else thin crystalline spikes burst from the floor, piercing his body in a multitude of places.

Red eyes wide, he choked. Viscous dark violet blood dripped down, splattering on the stone floor. The disgusting blue, blue _blue_ flesh around the wounds felt as if it were burning.

"You should have… watched your surroundings… closer… you were practically… waiting to be… defeated…" The Ebony Maw informed him in that breathy whisper of his. Looking smugly down at Loki he smirked. Acting as if he were superior. As if Loki were _beneath_ him.

It made Loki feel disgusted and ashamed. Could… could his sibling _see_ how much of a pathetic failure, how much of a monster he was? With his oh so _wrong_ blue skin and bloody red eyes…

Was he going to be killed?

No, that couldn't happen. He needed to be useful, for father. He needed to get out. He needed to free himself. He needed to be better, a better weapon. He needed to win.

Breathing heavily Loki felt his sédir flood through his body, welling up around the wounds, feeling thick and heavy in his veins. The Ebony Maw had begun speaking again but Loki ignored his words. His sibling was just trying to get to him, to get in his head.

Pooling his magic into the thin spikes Loki could see cracks spreading down the sharp needle-like crystal fragments as he forced more sédir into them. The ground shook once more, likely due to Cull Obsidian and Loki could hear Nebula cursing a ways away.

The Ebony Maw paused his latest drawn out speech staring down at the cracks for a moment in surprise. Lifting his hand Loki's sibling sputtered "You-!"

Before the other Child of Thanos could act the crystalline spikes shattered, shards flying out in every direction, one piercing the Ebony Maw's side as he made a wheezing sound. The tall willowy man grabbed the end and ripped the glittering shard from between his ribs, tossing it to the stone floor.

Loki gasped in pain as his strange violet blood dripped down his armor. Seeing his brother snap his eyes up to glare at him, losing his cool for the first time in Loki's memory he quickly teleported to the other side of the room in a flash of green.

From where he now stood, panting, Loki saw Proxima Midnight's spear go flying towards the Ebony Maw. Loki's sibling seemed to get sucked into the fight between Proxima Midnight and Cull Obsidian, much to Loki's relief.

Unfortunately just when he thought he'd managed an escape a mechanical hand wrapped around his throat and hurled him into the floor. Standing above him Nebula grinned, looking down at him as if she had been waiting for this moment.

Knowing her she probably had been.

Loki made to scramble up but Nebula slammed a booted foot down onto his chest, pinning him to the floor. Wheezing he tried to wrench her foot off of him but failed. She was too strong. Nebula and all his other siblings had received upgrades from father while he… had not…

All the Children of Thanos had received upgrades and modifications. All except for him…

Nebula removed her foot from him only to collide it with his face. A pained yelp wrenched itself from Loki's throat as pain shot through his left cheekbone, a cracking sound wavering in the air for a long moment.

Grabbing him by the front of his armor Nebula threw him a short distance away where he crashed into the floor, head banging against the stone. Loki's violet blood smeared on his fingertips as he reached up to touch his head wound, wanting to examine the damage.

As Nebula strode over to him Loki dragged himself up into a standing position, breathing heavily. He couldn't let her near him. She was going to hurt him. No. No, no, he had to get away. Get away. No, no…

Loki tried to scramble back but Nebula's robotic hand wrapped firmly around his throat, pulling him up onto the tips of his toes as he struggled for air. He couldn't _breathe_. Nebula's grip was firm and unresisting as it dug into his revolting blue flesh and in the distance he could still hear the other Children of Thanos battling, desperate to win. Loki stared into his siblings face as he choked, unable to look away from her wide grin and solid black eyes.

Fear pooled through his body as his vision dimmed, all he could do was try uselessly to rip he hand away. Everything hurt, no, no, no he needed to get away! Loki's sédir rushed through his veins, building up rapidly. Without another thought he felt as if his magic had… enveloped him. Wrapping him in its comforting embrace.

Suddenly he was falling to the hard stone floor as Nebula let out an alarmed shriek, flailing backwards. Gasping for air Loki remained sprawled on the floor as his vision swam. What… what happened…?

Loki didn't know what had happened. One minute he was being suffocated by Nebula; _once again_ , Loki was starting to think his sibling like to choke others a _little_ more than she should; and the next minute he was on the ground as Nebula stumbled back unsteadily, crying out in surprise and pain.

Turning his head he stared up at his sibling as she clutched at her mechanical arm. It was… twisted and… frosted over…

There was an imprint of a hand where Loki had grabbed her with his disgustingly _blue_ hands, only it was blackened and warped, coated in an icy sheen. There were cracks running along the metal, spreading outward from the handprint.

Nebula's hand spasmed, malfunctioning in the face of the extreme cold.

What had he done?

 _What had he done?_

He'd…

He…

 _Monster…_

Loki scrambled back in horror, unable to tear his eyes away from his siblings frozen arm. (Enormous blue, so so blue, clawed hands. Curling around a pale arm, his arm, burning through cloth and armor. Freezing, burning. Killing the flesh under its grip. No, not freezing him… but changing him. Disgusting, wrong _blue_ spreading across his skin. What was he? Monster. monster. monster, monster, _monster_ )

 _What had he done?_

The world before his eyes _shifted_. It all felt wrong, oh so wrong. He could distantly hear the voices of his siblings but couldn't make out the words. They blended into a cacophony of mindless _noise_.

 _He was a monster…_

Stumbling to his feet Loki backed away awful, bloody red eyes wide with panic. He didn't think he could _breathe_ , he couldn't _think_. What had he done...?

No, no, no, no…

He ran.

Loki bolted out the door, running as fast as he could. He needed to _escape_.

He ran through the corridors, everything looked the same. Had he gotten anywhere at all? Where was he? What was happening? What was going on? He didn't know; all he could do was _run_.

His calves burned and he could feel his repulsive violet blood dripping from his numerous stab wounds and his cheekbone felt as if it were broken. It probably was but Loki couldn't bring himself to care. He felt… detached, as if everything were happening to someone else. Like he was no longer a part of himself. Like he was separate from his body…

Loki didn't know how much time had passed as he ran but after what felt like simultaneously too much and far too little time a clawed hand grabbed him, holding his arm tightly; too tightly.

Whipping around he saw one of the armored creatures crushing his arm in his grip, behind it stood another pair of deformed soldiers. Loki tried to wrench himself from its bruising grasp but it yanked him forwards. He fought desperately, flailing like a wild beast. Like the monstrous animal he was. He had to get away; he needed to keep running, to escape. Another soldier grabbed him and they began dragging him away.

Loki couldn't escape. He was trapped… All he could do was stare at the plain floor as he was dragged off roughly.

* * *

Eventually Loki was deposited in front of his father's throne. His body ached as he hit the stone dais, dragging himself up he swayed slightly. Staring at his father's feet Loki refused to meet his eyes.

The comforting detachment was slowly dripping away, leaving Loki filled with an overwhelming cold panic, a twisting feeling in his gut. There were fresh looking puddles of crimson blood splattered near the base of the throne; he hoped his own violet blood wouldn't join it.

His father's voice boomed around him, startling Loki from his thoughts, "I understand you have displayed a rather useful power today. Why have you not used your talent before now? You are my weapon, my tool. You are to use every skill at your disposal to fulfill your purpose."

Thanos' voice carried a sinister edge, promising pain and suffering should he not like Loki's answer. Swallowing thickly Loki stammered out "I-I didn't mean, I didn't know that I could, father. I didn't mean to-"

His father silenced him with a look; Loki instantly stopped speaking, clenching his jaw shut to stop any further stuttered apologies and explanations from slipping out.

"You were unaware of your talent?" The question sounded rhetorical, as if Thanos were speaking aloud an inner thought of his so Loki said nothing. His father stared down at him in contemplation; Loki tried to read his expression for some hint of what would come but all he saw was a cold, calculating blankness.

Trembling slightly Loki tried to ignore the burning pain in his cheek, bruised neck and numerous stab wounds. Time seemed to slow under his fathers scrutiny, every moment feeling as it dragged on for an eternity. He wanted to escape but it was as if he were pinned under his father's cold gaze. Trapped.

Apprehension built inside Loki until his father finally spoke "I see. It pleases me that you are of more use than previously anticipated. Although, you have still failed me, you _ran_."

Loki swallowed nervously, his father was right. He'd run. A weapon did not run from a fight. He'd _failed_. His father leaned forwards, staring into his eyes intently.

A nauseating terror filled Loki's being as Thanos carried on; grinning maliciously "I believe it's time you receive an upgrade."

Thanos motioned with his right hand to something behind Loki, no someone. A hand grabbed Loki's shoulder; he tensed and whipped around as best as he could, letting out a surprised sound. Coming face to face with The Other Loki froze.

The being dug its numerous clawed fingers into Loki's revolting blue flesh and dragged him away.

* * *

Loki was taken down through the long twisting corridors, walking on through the depths of Sanctuary's inner sanctions. The Other walked behind him silently, harsh raspy breathing filling the air, keeping just a little to close to him for comfort.

Everything hurt as he carried on his path, he couldn't remember when he _hadn't_ hurt. Dragging his feet on the floor he took one step after another. Staring down at the ground he watched himself walk through the corridors, unfocused and numb.

Eventually he was taken to a large set of doors. The Other shoved him through the doorway and walked off as the doors slid shut behind him silently.

The lights were blinding and before Loki could get a grasp on his surroundings a group of soldiers swarmed around him, tearing at his armor and tossing it to the floor. Trying to squirm away, clawed hands dug into his skin, ripping open his wounds once more as they stripped him bare.

He was dragged onto a smooth raised slab, metal cuffs locking his limbs down. In his panic Loki whined wordlessly as he fought against the restraints uselessly. He could hardly see what was happening as the bright, sterile lights above wormed into his eyes and ate away at his optic nerves, blinding his vision.

A group of fleshy deformed looking creatures uniformly dressed surrounded Loki. He couldn't focus on their features the light was too bright.

There were a series of clinking noises as they shifted around, searching for something. Loki thrashed wildly, hyperventilating. He didn't know what was going on, he needed to _escape_.

He pulled his sédir to the surface to use but he _couldn't_. He couldn't use his magic. Why couldn't he use his magic? No, no, no, no. It was wrong. Wrong. No. Why couldn't he-? No.

His heart pounded in his chest as he fought against his restraints desperately. One of the creatures hefted up a sharp, dangerous looking saw-like tool. "No." He breathed, unnatural red eyes wide, unable to tear his eyes from the tool. "No, no, no, no, no. Please. No. If you hold any semblance of mercy, please, don't -"

Ignoring his pleads it adjusted the tool; a high-pitched whir pierced the air as the blade began to spin. "No! Please -!"

Without hesitation it lowered the tool to his shin, cutting through the ugly blue flesh. Loki's shrill scream was ripped from his throat as pain shot through his leg. The spinning blade slicing through the skin and muscles, and oh, it hurt. It hurt so much.

Violet blood splattered and Loki heard another tool start up to his left, feeling tears build up in his eyes. No, no, no. Another ripping, shredding pain tore through his arm and the creatures loomed over him like predators. They were ominous fleshy shapes, outlines against the blinding light.

Loki tried to wrench his limbs away but he was secured tightly within the metal grasp of the restraints. He couldn't escape. Not physically, not with sédir. He was trapped. All he could do was scream.

His tendons were sliced through mercilessly. Another saw started up. They just kept going. Why wouldn't they stop? _Why wouldn't they stop?_

Loki's screams were pulled from his chest, creating a demented symphony with the whirring of the saws. The restraints dug into his skin as he thrashed wildly. It couldn't be happening. It couldn't be real. No, no, no. Not real. Not real!

The creatures hissed at one another as they cut him down to the bone. Loki didn't want the upgrades any longer. He just wanted it to stop. Wanted the pain to stop. Stop, stop, stop. No.

Finally after what felt like eons the deformed creatures withdrew, setting aside their tools. For a moment he thought it might be over. He hoped it was over, but he was sorely mistaken.

He lay limply in his restraints; tears flowed down his cheeks as he sobbed, face twisted in agony. Pain thrummed through him, everything hurt to the point wherein he could no longer discern where the pain originated. He was light headed and his thoughts felt clouded. Was he going to die…?

The creatures moved around him, appearing as nothing more than a blur. There was the sound of metal scraping on metal before a new fiery pain burst through him. Something was being pushed into his wounds. Inserted. He could _feel_ it. Arching off the table as much as he could in the cuffs Loki screamed.

He could feel his throat tearing, his vocal chords. As something was inserted alongside his bones, trailing up his limbs. Everything felt as if it were spinning, twisting, turning. It was _wrong_. It _hurt_. It hurt so much. No, no, no, please no.

Distantly Loki realized he had been screaming out those words, begging, pleading. The creatures never paused. There was something else being shoved into him. Pushing past the skin and muscles. _Stop, stop, stop, stop, no, please he couldn't do it, it hurt, he couldn't, please father no-_ Suddenly it seemed to snap into place and his nerve endings were on fire.

It was agony. He was tearing apart and burning and freezing and he-

He just.

Couldn't.

Do.

 _It_.

Something within him felt as if it had shattered and the shards were digging into his chest, his heart. It hurt, it hurt, it _hurt_. No, no, no, no. _Please…_

It hurt too much.

He couldn't…

His body was in agony as the creatures went on pulling and pushing and cutting and stitching. Upgrading him.

All he registered was pain.

It became too much. Darkness flooded his vision and dragged him into a blissful state of unconsciousness.

 **Favs and Reviews are appreciated! ~**


	3. Chapter 3

**In These Empty Eyes**

 **Chapter 1**

Pain…

There was pain…

It was… somewhere deep inside…

Agony…

Throughout his being…

He was in pain…

But the pain, it felt dulled somehow.

It was like an agonizing ache that had seeped into his bones.

 _ **Wake up darling…**_

Noises…

Voices… all around him…

Loud…

A murmuring cacophony that was too loud…

Far too loud…

And yet to quiet to…

It hurts

Why does it hurt so much…

understand…

Pain…

Wordless voices…

He stopped trying to listen.

To comprehend.

He was just…

…drifting.

Everywhere and nowhere…

He was himself once more.

At least, a part of himself.

That he understood.

 _ **Hurry up**_ _ **'**_

 _ **Ł - ø ~; '**_ _ **We're almost there!...**_

The burning ache within his bones, the molten agony flooding his core.

That he understood as well.

Pain…

He was cocooned in pain and unceasing suffering.

It hurt…

Swathed like an infant in unfeeling numbness…

He felt like he was floating…

He was…

 _ **I can't!**_

 _ **You're too fast!**_ _._

He was.

Past the fiery burn of his unnamable agony.

Like peeling flesh and slicing and dicing

Agony…

Cut and carve

Tear

All consuming…

Rip

Suffering…

He was

 _ **Of course I am,**_

 _ **I'm your big brother!**_ _ **...**_

It hurt!

He was Loki.

* * *

He woke up.

Suddenly jerking back into awareness as if revived from the dead. His eyes snapping open as his heart pounded rapidly, a high shrieking noise piercing the air. Seeming to drill into his skull.

The dull pain seeping through him had become a tidal wave of sharp burning agony stabbing at his every limb. His hand spasmed, twitching oddly.

Loki looked around quickly, taking in his surroundings. He was bombarded with the bright light illuminating everything. It was all white. Clean. The room was filled with strange polished surfaces and complicated machinery. There were thin tubes piercing through the revolting blue skin of his forearms.

Patches of a strange gelled mesh wrapped around his wounds.

Cutting…

Ripping, tearing,

Pain!

Pain!

 _Pain!_

He jolted upwards, frantically clawing at the wrapping over his injuries. Sharp claws tore through both bandages and flesh alike, causing deep violet blood to ooze out of the lacerations.

Loki lurched off of the plain platform he was laying on, ignoring the pain stabbing through his body. Collapsing onto the floor he whipped his head around, his eyes darting around the room in a panicked frenzy.

His mind felt cloudy and the shrill screeching noise coming from one of the ridged discs by the platform was piercing his eardrums.

They could hear it!

The thought pierced through his hazy awareness.

No, no, no, if the things from before could hear it they would come!

The creatures!

The creatures were coming!

He couldn't let them…

They would hurt him again!

Cut and saw and rip and shred…

No, no, no, no…

Dragging himself over to the source of the sound Loki reached up with a shaking, bloody hand, fumbling to turn it off somehow. Stabbing pains ran through his twitching fingers as his unsteady hand bumped into a raised edge.

He could hear the dull thud of numerous footsteps approaching…

No, no, no… the creatures, the monsters, were almost there!

Mumbling to himself Loki tried to push his body up on one wobbly arm but he slipped and went crashing back to the ground, head smacking against the floor. His vision blurred briefly, swimming before his eyes.

There was a ringing in his ears and he could see blood pooling under him. Molted fleshy hands grabbed at him, they were there. It was those _things_ from before.

Loki thrashed in their grip and let out a panicked, wordless shriek. One of uniformed creatures yanked his head to the side and jammed something small and sharp into the side of his neck.

Trying still to squirm away he began to scream out weakly, "No, no, no, no!"

No, no… No…

no…

His head was spinning and black spots appeared in his vision. Loki could numbly feel hands on his body before everything went dark.

* * *

When Loki next awoke he was back in his room, alone, lying on his hard mat. Hauling his body into a sitting position Loki leaned against the wall, wincing, before examining himself.

The odd bandages from when he last was awake were gone. In their place was some sort of dark, translucent medical tape wound around the worst lacerations. The blue flesh surrounding his injuries was numb. Loki didn't know what had been done to him. He didn't think he wanted to know.

His nails were different though. In their place were short metallic dark violet claws, coming to a sharp point. A feeling of disgust welled up in his stomach. These claws belonged on an animal, not- not on him…

Although, Loki supposed, maybe they did belong on a monster. And he definitely looked like one with his revolting _blue_ skin and bloody red eyes, along with his strange markings running along his body.

But… he didn't _want_ to be a monster…

Except he didn't know how he _could_ fix himself. Tear away the revolting blue flesh to reveal something _proper_ underneath. Free himself from this hideous animal he saw in his reflection. He wished he could just do that.

But he couldn't.

He was trapped in a savage, monstrous body. He wasn't even completely himself any more. He was just a weapon. A monstrous, clawed beast. _Modified_. He could never…

Never…

No.

No, no, no!

He could breathe.

He couldn't breathe!

Loki clutched at his clothes over his heart, gasping for air. He squeezed his eyes shut, trembling, as he desperately tried to breathe.

His heart thudded in his ribcage violently as if it were trying to break loose. He dug his monstrous _claws_ into his chest, nearly breaking the skin.

He felt lightheaded and the room seemed to spin. His fingertips felt numb.

This wasn't his choice.

It wasn't his choice!

But no, monsters didn't get a choice. He didn't get a choice. Not Loki. Not about the modifications. About the claws, about what he was.

No, no, no!

He felt as if he were dying. He couldn't do it. He couldn't do it!

He could hear his heart pounding like a drum. Thrumming in his eardrums.

Couldn't think. Couldn't breathe. Dying. He felt like he was dying.

Dying!

He was dying!

Loki dragged his knees up to his chest, curling into a ball.

Gasping for air.

His head was still spinning; his breathes coming in harsh wheezing gasps.

Loki sat there like that for a long while. Curled up in a small ball, clutching at his chest, desperately trying to breathe.

He wasn't sure how long he sat panicking but slowly he began to unfurl. The crinkling of the strange fabric his current clothes were made of was a good distraction. It was like tissue, rubbing against him. With his heart still frantically pounding in his chest as he tried to calm down, Loki turned his attention to his new clothes. Trying to focus on something other than his panic.

He was dressed in light, loose clothing. Loki assumed the pale, thin material was probably disposable. It felt itchy against his skin and he wanted to peel it off. He only wished his sickening blue flesh was as easy to remove. Loki's stomach turned as his thoughts turned back to his skin. The painfully obvious reminder of what he was. A monster.

Just then there was a soft mechanical sliding sound. Startled, he quickly glanced up to meet a pair of dark eyes.

Gamora's head tilted to the side, "I see you're up."

Loki remained silent, staring up at his sister with wide eyes. A slight tremble went through his frame as his hand twitched slightly. He hated how weak he knew he looked in that moment.

Gamora took a few steps forward in his small room and Loki tensed, watching her warily. Noticing his alarm she stopped, halting a few feet away from him. She examined him carefully, studying him silently with her dark eyes. The moment stretched on forever.

At long last Gamora set down the bundle she had been carrying under her arm. It was then Loki realized it was his armor. Only, it had been altered. Upgraded. Just like him. It was sleeker and not as bulky as it had been previously. Its design was obviously focused more on speed and agility; although, it was not as protective as it had originally been.

Set on top of the bundle was a nutrient cube. Gamora picked it up and held it out towards him, only saying, "I got you something."

There was a beat of silence as Loki contemplated the offer, eyes darting from his sister to the small orange cube and back again. After a long while Loki hesitantly stretched out his horribly blue hand and carefully grabbed it from her.

Just in case she were to suddenly change her mind and take it back, Loki quickly unwrapped it and shoved the small nutrient cube into his mouth. It was gritty and tasteless as usual. The only things Loki had ever eaten in Sanctuary were these cubes. They were small, bland and packed full of enough nutrients to keep someone alive.

As she watched him the corners of Gamora's mouth twitched upwards slightly into a barely noticeable smile as she asked, "Mind if I sit down?"

Swallowing, Loki glanced down at his bed and back up at his sister before edging over to the side. Taking that as permission Gamora strode forwards and sat down next to him on the thin mat. Wasting no time she got straight to the point, "So you've got your first modifications."

Without responding Loki just shifted slightly and fidgeted with the medical tape covering one of his wounds. His silence didn't seem to bother Gamora as she kept speaking, "It's always he first ones that are the worst. It becomes easier the more of them you get."

Loki's hands balled into fists anxiously, his new claws digging into his skin. Pinpricks of violet blood welled up where his claws pierced his palms.

Were there going to be more? More modifications? Would there be more- more of the pain and agony of being torn apart?

Being disassembled on the whims of others?

No!

No, no, no!

In an instant Gamora's hand whipped out and grabbed his wrists, making him jolt in alarm, hands uncurling in surprise.

Looking into Loki's eyes she simply said, "Don't."

After that short statement Gamora released his wrists, turning away to stare at the closed door.

Sighing softly his sister continued to speak, "I know it hurt. These modifications, they felt like a violation. Someone cut you open and changed you, twisted you, so that you could be a better weapon."

Loki made a surprised noise, staring at Gamora. He was startled at how well she… _understood_. He wasn't sure why he felt so surprised as he'd know that all his brothers and sisters had been modified in a myriad of ways. But somehow Gamora seemed different. She wasn't like the rest of his siblings. Loki knew that didn't make sense but for some reason her understanding still felt so… unexpected.

Gamora sardonically raised an eyebrow stating, "You don't have to look so surprised. I _have_ received numerous modifications, as have all Children of Thanos."

Looking away in embarrassment Loki instead focused on the floor, a purple flush creeping over the ugly blue of his cheeks.

The painfully uncomfortable silence returned. Loki glanced around awkwardly, unsure of what to do. He wanted to say something but it felt wrong somehow to break the oppressive silence enveloping the small room. It was suffocating.

Thankfully after a few more tense moments his sister continued talking, "Your armour has been altered."

Loki looked over at his armour where it was lying on the floor, quietly grateful for the change in subject.

"It's been decided that you're going to be getting some more experience, outside of Sanctuary."

Loki's eyes lit up as he heard his sister's statement. He was going be sent on assignments too, just like the rest of his siblings were. For the first time in ages Loki actually felt… _excited_. He was actually being given the chance to prove his worth to his father.

At his reaction Gamora looked somewhat… disappointed. It was only for a brief moment, flitting across her features before melting into a blank façade, but it made a sense of guilt pool up in Loki's stomach. He wasn't sure why but he almost felt ashamed.

Gamora looked him over for a moment, calculating, before saying, "You remind me of Nebula sometimes."

He reeled back in shock. " _Nebula?"_ Loki asked hoarsely, scrunching up his nose in distaste. He was _nothing_ like his sister Nebula. His indignation must have shown on his face as Gamora looked amused.

"Yes, Nebula. Both of you want to prove yourselves so badly. You're both extremely determined, persistent. And both of you," At this Gamora shot him a pointed look, "make things far more complicated than they need to be."

Loki let out a huff, mumbling, "I do not…"

Gamora just shook her head. Picking herself up off of Loki's bed she nudged his armour with her boot. Glancing down at him she said, "You'd better get dressed. You have get back to training immediately."

"Alright. I'll... see you in the training room then?" Loki asked, dragging himself up off the mat.

The edge of Gamora's mouth quirked up as she turned and strolled towards the door.

As it quietly slid shut behind her Loki stood in the middle of his room for a short moment, swaying slightly, before moving to get dressed. As he awkwardly tugged on his newly adjusted armour over his wrapped wounds he couldn't get his mind off of the thought of leaving Sanctuary.

He wanted to. He wanted to see what was out there, to fulfill his purpose. But at the same time… he was scared. He didn't know anything about life outside Sanctuary. He didn't know what was out there. It could be anything…

But he had to know. It felt like there was something _missing_. Loki would lie awake at night, longing for _something_. He had to find out what it was.

And for that, Loki needed to prove that he was ready to go on assignments. He needed to be the best weapon possible for his father. Whatever it was he was looking for he knew he had to find it.

Loki took a deep breath and adjusted his armour slightly before walking out the door. Stumbling off as it slid shut softly behind him.

* * *

Loki leapt out of the way of Gamora's sword, clashing his own against it. He was panting and his muscles were aching. Loki felt like collapsing onto the hard stone floor but he refused to give in. It hadn't been long since he had been told that he might be able to go on an assignment outside of Sanctuary and if that were to happen he needed to be his best.

Gamora pushed forwards, trying to corner him in the otherwise empty room. Loki didn't know where the rest of his siblings were and didn't particularly care. He knew Gamora was locking him into a corner of the room and he wracked his mind for a solution. Quickly examining his surroundings Loki darted to the side and slashed at his sister's legs, hoping to force her to take a step back.

Unfortunately Gamora stood her ground and blocked his strike with her sword, using it to shove Loki back another step.

He slipped a small dagger into his hand while stabbing his sword at Gamora's stomach, expecting her to block it. The moment she did Loki went to stab her in the side.

He saw the glint of recognition in her eye before she released her sword, dropping to the ground and kicked his legs out from under him. As he collapsed to the ground Gamora grabbed her falling sword and made a swipe at his chest.

Loki kicked her sword from her hand, using his sédir to teleport a short distance away. The moment he did a green fist went flying at his head forcing him to teleport away again to avoid the impact.

Appearing a short distance away Loki just noticed Gamora grab her sword once more and leap towards him. Thinking fast Loki teleported again and created a handful of illusory copies of himself. Gamora glanced around at them with a calculating gaze.

She lunged forwards, slashing through one of them with her sword, causing it to dispel. Whipping around Gamora began cutting through the copies ruthlessly. Her distraction with his copies gave him a moment to come up with some sort of plan. Loki wracked his brain for an idea.

He was tired and in this fight most of his abilities were useless. His talents in things such as sédir and manipulation would not be useful in this fight against Gamora. He was too tired to preform most of the useful spells he knew and Loki did not want to use his ice against her. The memory of Nebula's warped, frozen arm flashed in his mind. The thought of that being Gamora's arm made him feel sick. He could feel his stomach churn. His ice was a savage and monstrous curse that only caused harm to everyone around him. But Loki knew he didn't have time to think about this at the moment. Shoving down the fear and revulsion that filled him at the mere thought of his monstrous ability Loki did his best to focus on what would be beneficial in winning this fight.

His modifications were of no use in his current situation. Loki had only just gotten his first modifications so they were merely the basics. Focused on enhancing things such as his senses, speed, strength, and durability.

These sorts of modifications were always the first ones, or so Gamora had told him. He needed to become accustomed to them before he could receive further modification apparently. But seeing as Gamora had them as well, along with other modifications, they were no advantage to Loki in this fight.

He shoved away the memories of being upgraded, trying not to remember.

Slicing…

Ripping him open…

Cutting… Pain!

Everything hurt…

Sharp, hot agony… Tearing…

Pain!

Pain…

No. He could not think of that. He refused to. Ripping his thoughts away from the memory he focused once more on the present. Focused on the fight.

Loki knew Gamora would probably see though most of his strategies so he needed to be unpredictable. He needed to throw her off balance.

When she stabbed the final illusion Gamora turned and locked eyes with him, twirling the blade in her grip. As she darted towards him Loki stood still. Closer. Closer.

Looking the slightest bit confused at his immobility Gamora made to slash him in the chest with her sword. As it cut through the air towards him Loki didn't move. Just before the sharp blade made contact Loki's arm shot up and pierced the sword with his claws. Twisting his wrist sharply he tore the weapon from her grip, making it fly across the room to land with a clatter a short distance away.

Both Loki and Gamora paused for half a second, staring at the sword. Gamora looked away first, sending a punch towards Loki's head. He blocked it with his arm, making to strike her with his sword before Gamora kicked his blade from his grasp, sending it flying opposite of where the other sword lay on the floor.

With the pair of them now disarmed Gamora grabbed Loki's wrist and before he could do anything, twisted it back and kicked him in the chest making him collapse onto the stone floor.

As Gamora went for another punch Loki slashed up at her with his claws, making a series of thin cuts in her arm. A small amount of deep green blood welled up from the cuts.

Just as Gamora raised her boot, probably to smash his face in, the nearby door slid open to reveal Nebula with a scowl on her face.

"We're being sent an assignment to Sathorix." She spat at Loki venomously.

Still lying on the floor Loki blinked in surprise, only replying with an ineloquent, "What?"

Glaring at him Nebula snarled, "You heard me. Hurry up!" And at that his sister stomped out of the room.

Scrambling to get to his feet Loki glanced at Gamora with wide eyes but his sister's expression was unreadable. Eyes flicking to the door she murmured, "Good luck."

Hesitating briefly he took that as his queue to get moving and Loki began sprinting towards the door, glancing back over his shoulder. Gamora stood stiffly in the middle of the otherwise empty room, staring at him as he left.

* * *

Loki quickly caught up to Nebula and trailed behind her quietly, neither one of them making conversation.

A conflicting mass of emotions swirled inside of him. He was thrilled of course, to finally be leaving Sanctuary for the first time. To be going on his first assignment. But at the same he was apprehensive. He'd always hoped silently that on his first assignment he would be paired with Gamora. He frowned. Instead he'd had the bad luck to be paired with _Nebula_.

The pair made their way through the winding labyrinth of identical corridors without speaking. Eventually they reached a large set of thick metal doors that slid open to reveal a large hangar filled with rows of various types of ships. Imprinted on the far wall were a couple of strange harsh letters accompanied by a dash and a series of numbers. Following his sister, Loki glanced around, wide eyed, trying to take in as much as possible.

Strolling down to the end of the large room they soon came upon a small ship with the unnatural soldiers milling around it, making strange clicking sounds. The sight of the armored creatures still filled Loki with unease. He was fairly certain he would never get use to them.

At Nebula's approach they scattered, going off to work on the other ships. Walking aboard the ship their boots clicked on the metal floor of the vessel. Once they entered the cockpit Nebula immediately sat down in the pilots chair and flipped the switch to close the ships door.

Loki tentatively sat in the co-pilots seat just as Nebula turned to look at him sharply, saying, "Alright, listen up! I don't need you for this assignment. And I don't want to have to drag you along and babysit you. You'd better look after yourself and do what I tell you. If this mission fails it's on you. So don't mess it up. Got it?"

Indignant, Loki protested, "I'm not going to ruin it! And I don't need you to look after me!"

Giving a sarcastic snort Nebula sarcastically replied, "Yeah. I'm sure you won't."

Loki scowled silently, glaring at his sister as she prepared to take off. He reached out an ugly blue hand towards the controls to assist her but she slapped his hand away, snapping at him, "Don't touch anything!"

"I was _trying_ to be of assistance! What do you _want_ from me!" Loki argued.

"For you not to get in my way!" Nebula shot back, irritation evident in her tone.

Huffing, Loki turned to look out the window, watching as the ship took off, leaving behind the large hangar. If his sister didn't want his help then she could pilot them to Sathorix herself. A long moment passed in silence, the only noises being the ships low hum and Nebula's administrations on the controls. Curious despite himself Loki asked his sister, "So what will we be doing?"

Growling in frustration she snarled, "Does it _matter_?"

"I don't know, _does it_?" Loki snapped back at her. For a second he was sure Nebula was going to punch him and he tensed.

His sister took a deep breath and glared at him with her cold black eyes, growling for him to, "Just look at the details of our assignment then. The information's _right here_ ," She held up a small black chip, "so read it and _shut up_!"

Sending a glare back at Nebula he snatched the chip from her hand and turned away, sliding it open and activating it. Settling his aching body into the chair Loki began to look through the details of his first assignment. Desperately trying to not focus on the empty depths of space just outside the window and the sick pit of terror that had hardened in his stomach.

 _Falling_

Fear

 _Alone_

 _So alone_

 _Falling past the stars_

 _Into the unkown_

 _Panic_

No, no, no…!

 _Falling_

 _Falling_

Falling…

 **Faves and reviews are always appreciated~**

 **An, some of the writing style of this chapter didn't work well with so if you want to see what I intended it to be like then go check out my posting of this fic on Archive of Our Own by Transparent_Reminder!**


	4. Chapter 4

There were three things that Loki had learned in Sanctuary that he knew to be the absolute truth.

Number one.

He, alongside his siblings, existed to serve their father.

They were tools.

Extensions of his will.

They lived to serve and to assist their father in rebalancing the universe.

While it was unfortunate, some may need to be eradicated in this quest for balance, for peace.

This was Loki's purpose.

The Children of Thanos's purpose.

They were to clear the way for their father. For balancing the universe.

This was what Loki reminded himself as he crept through the barren halls of the senator's home, dagger in hand.

Number two.

No one could be trusted.

He would always be alone; he could rely on no one else.

This was why Loki found himself slipping through the shadows by himself as he moved towards the large doors ahead of him.

Nebula had slipped away during a momentary lapse in concentration.

Abandoning him to assassinate the man in the other room alone.

He was alone.

Just like before.

In the-

No.

That didn't happen.

Fractured memories of falling, of biting cold and dim stars flashed though his mind.

Cold. Silent.

Alone.

No, no, no.

He shoved the memories down, trying to tell himself that it wasn't true. That it had never happened.

He knew it was a lie.

But he didn't want to think.

He just needed to take care of the man in the other room.

Before Nebula got to him.

He couldn't afford to fail.

Lest he wish for something as sweet as pain like the Other was so fond of telling him.

Just from thinking those words Loki could almost hear the strange hissing voice in his ear and the hot breath on his wretched blue skin. Whispering. Standing far too close for comfort.

There was faint music playing.

The muffled melody drifted out from the other side of the doors Loki now stood in front of.

He needed to be fast.

Unrelenting.

The doors were silent as they opened.

Stepping into the elegantly decorated room Loki remembered the final lesson.

Number three.

Weakness was unacceptable.

It only led to suffering.

Loki knew suffering well.

The senator would die by Loki's hand.

It was him or Loki.

He would do what he must to survive.

As Loki walked in the man inside the office turned around.

Loki knew him.

Bright blue eyes widened.

Blond hair.

A bright smile; shining like the sun.

Red.

He-

No.

He was wrong.

His eyes were too dark.

His blond hair was too light.

The man's hair was too long, his face too round.

He was too chubby, too short.

The man in front of him was not smiling.

He was backing away, alarmed.

His deep red robe swishing as he moved.

"You-"

"Who-?"

They spoke simultaneously.

Both broke off into a tense silence.

The blond man spoke first.

"Who are you? What do you want?"

Loki said nothing, staring intently at the man.

He _knew_ him.

But he didn't.

The man was _wrong_.

"Well? What do you want? Why are you here?"

There was panic in the senator's eyes now, in his too dark eyes.

Loki edged towards him.

The senator's back bumped into the wall. He was unable to back away any further.

Studying the man's face Loki murmured, "I… know you…?"

No. That statement felt wrong.

He… didn't know this man but… he did?

"What?"

Maybe… someone _like_ him?

Someone important…

"What are talking about? I've never met you in my life!"

The man seemed less panicked and more confused now, although an edge of wariness remained.

Who…?

Blue eyes flicked from Loki to a desk drawer.

Monstrous red eyes narrowed.

Loki stalked forward with a frown, holding a dagger to the senator's throat.

"Wait! Wait! Whatever you want! I'll give you anything you want, please, just don't hurt me! Please!"

Loki hesitated.

"Please!" The blond man repeated, "This is madness!"

Red eyes widened.

 _"Loki, this is madness!"_

 _A crystalline bridge of rainbow light_

 _Shattering_

 _An old man with golden armour_

 _"No Loki."_

 _Falling_

 _Falling_

 _Shards of the bridge swirling around him_

 _Cutting_

 _Slicing into him_

 _Two distantly familiar faces_

 _Shock, horror, and grief staring down at him_

 _"Loki, no!"_

 _"Brother!"_

Loki's mouth dropped open.

Brother.

He had a _brother_.

The large blond man with the striking blue eyes and the red cape in his fuzzy memory; that was his _brother_.

Questions flitted though his mind frantically.

Where was his brother?

Who was his brother? What was his name?

Did he have any other family?

His head hurt.

Where were they from?

Where was he from?

Loki took a stunned half step backwards, lowering his dagger.

Why did he look nothing like his brother?

Relieved, deep blue eyes stared into his as he backed away.

Why didn't he know the answers to these questions?

He couldn't look away from those too dark eyes.

…What had happened to his memories?

He couldn't look away from those dark blue eyes, even when the blaster shot pierced the flesh between them.

There was a flash of red.

And then a blond man collapsing to the floor; shock in those cold, dead, blue eyes.

No.

No! No! NO!

He-

"Thor!"

The man, not-Thor, hit the ground with a dull thud.

The dark red robe pooled around the man as if it were a puddle of blood as Loki screamed.

He dropped to the floor next to the dead senator in a panic.

Distantly he heard Nebula leap down to the floor gracefully but couldn't bring himself to care.

His heart pounded in his chest.

His breaths were coming far too quickly.

His red eyes were fixated on the open, glassy blue ones.

The quiet music still drifted through the air.

* * *

Loki felt as if he were being torn in two as he followed his sister back to the ship.

He was both calm and frantic.

He felt everything and nothing.

He felt like he was going to be sick.

Loki could not tear his mind off of the blond senator.

Off of Thor, the brother he did not know.

The smile in his mind's eye the only thing attached to the name other than a bone deep longing for him. The brother he did not remember.

There was a disgusting sort of relief that the man who had perished had not been his brother. Had not been Thor. Loki hated how grateful he felt.

He was horrible.

It struck him that he couldn't even remember the blond senator's name.

His stomach rolled as he sat down in the ship numbly.

His revolting blue hands rested limply in his lap.

He was a monster.

He-

"-and he screamed out a name too. Thor."

The sound of Nebula's voice shook Loki from his thoughts and he froze.

The Other's strange, hissing voice came for the hologram, "I ssssee… he will be informed immediately."

Before Nebula could reply Loki blurted out without thinking, "No!"

His sister's head snapped towards him alongside the Other's to stare at him intensely.

As she opened her mouth to speak Loki cut her off quickly, desperation leaking into his voice, "Please! Don't tell Father! I'm sorry, please! I- I didn't mean too! It won't happen again, please, just- just don't tell him! Don't tell Thanos, please!"

Nebula was silent, her face emotionless except for the slight crease between her brows. The Other's cruel hiss cut through the silence like a knife, "What makesss you think you have _any_ ssssay in thisss? It is hisss right to determine your fate. It is hisss right to determine you punishment. And for your failure you _will_ be punished. Your flesh will be flayed from your bonesss; you will scream and beg for the sweet release of death only to not be granted it."

He couldn't breathe. Loki barely felt his short, metallic claws digging into his palms as he stared straight ahead, not focusing on anything in particular.

Clouds drifted lazily across the hazy yellow sky just outside the window.

"-back to Sanctuary immediately."

Breaking-

"nononononnonno…"

Shattering-

"Thanos-"

Falling to pieces…

A disturbed and distraught, nigh hysterical laugh bubbled up in his throat and slipped out from between his teeth as tears rolled down his cheeks.

No, no, no, no, no-

He was both far too whole and shattered beyond repair.

He was powdered glass, dust blowing in the wind.

He felt as he were falling once again.

He whispered Thor's name over and over to himself as if it were some sort of protective enchantment. As if it were a buffer against the cruel realities of life. A comfort in a storm.

The hologram disappeared.

His sister was silent.

* * *

Nebula was enraged.

Cold fury seeping through her body, surging through her veins and burrowing into her bones.

This was nothing new, she was nearly always furious at something. More often than not she was furious with her siblings. At her sister. Gamora. It was safe to be angry with her.

It was not safe to be angry at their father.

Gamora had everything Nebula had ever wanted. Was everything Nebula had ever aspired to be. Had worked towards. Yet she didn't seem to even care.

Just like how she didn't care about Nebula.

Not anymore.

Gamora was the favourite. The most skilled.

Always besting her in their training.

She never cared.

Gamora pretended to care for her but when it came down to Nebula or herself, well. Nebula was just an afterthought.

Gamora never cared that when she won Nebula lost another piece of herself. Became that much more of a machine.

Because Gamora was father's favourite.

She won.

And remained in one piece.

Nebula never won against her.

And so, their 'father' tore her to shreds.

Over.

And over.

Nebula knew suffering well.

Gamora only gave a damn after Nebula had been ripped to pieces and reassembled with a little bit less of herself. Offering comfort after the fact but allowing it to happen in the first place.

Nebula could not bring herself to hate Gamora and that almost made it worse.

Gamora filled her with rage and fury. Set her teeth on edge.

Yet Nebula still yearned for the comfort her sister would offer.

Out of all her siblings she hated Gamora the least.

She was just trying to survive.

She had not chosen to follow Thanos but had no choice in the matter.

Gamora was conscripted into their father's service when the mad titan had slaughtered her people and stolen her from her home. Just like he had done with Nebula when she had been but an infant.

Nebula faintly remembered a time before Gamora had become a part of the Black Order.

When Nebula had been very small, she had been introduced to her sister. Gamora had never been like the other Children of Thanos. She was kind when she could be. Assisting Nebula, comforting her in private.

Nebula could recall secret smiles and whispered words of encouragement.

Gamora was never willfully cruel like their other siblings.

She was only cruel when she thought she had no choice.

Nebula in truth did not despise her sister for besting her in training. It was not cruel to want to win. Gamora did what she had to do in order to remain their father's favourite child. To survive.

Nebula did despise her sister for standing by and letting her, watching her, be torn apart. It was cruel to never once step in. To knowingly let Nebula be disassembled, warped and ruined by their father's hand.

Nebula knew it was foolish to think her sister could have stopped it but that did not halt the fury spilling through her veins.

Nebula hated her father.

She hated Thanos more than anything for what he had done to her. To her siblings. To Gamora.

To Loki.

Her newest sibling.

Weak and afraid, like she had been as a child facing off against Gamora.

Trying to prove themselves to their so called 'father'.

It infuriated her, the similarities.

He infuriated her.

He was pathetic.

Weak.

And it infuriated her that she herself was his Gamora.

She had won.

Had proved herself worthy to their father.

Had proved that she was better.

Nebula had succeeded where Loki had failed. She had eliminated their target.

She had been instructed to wait, to observe.

To see if her new brother would kill the man. To see if he _could_.

Loki had failed.

Nebula had ended the senator's life and she had won.

The loser would suffer the consequences of failure.

Nebula herself was like Gamora in some respects.

She could be so very cruel.

Nebula was infuriated with herself as she stood by. As she returned to Sanctuary and watched the Chitauri soldiers drag Loki away. She watched the tears trail from his vacant eyes. Listened to his faint repetitive murmurs of, "Thor… Thor… Thor…". The name seemingly providing her bother some sort of hollow comfort.

Nebula didn't know who's name Loki whispered to himself.

She didn't know why he had screamed the name when the senator had died.

As Loki was dragged away, clawed hands ensnaring him in their grip as he was led to their father, Nebula was enraged.

She felt cold fury seeping through her body, surging through her veins and burrowing into her bones.

Nebula hated herself as she knowingly let her brother be warped and ruined by their father's hand. As she stood by and did nothing.

She had won.

She had survived.

And she hated herself for it.


End file.
